This is Stupid

2010-02-21T21:08:00.001-07:00

For some reason they don't let me make signs at work....

How the Civil War really went

2009-05-09T11:11:00.003-07:00

I think the only way this picture could get more awesome is if Cthulhu was riding that dinosaur. I like to consider myself a pretty creative guy, but honestly, I don't think anything even remotely this awesome ever crossed my mind.

Things I am afraid of, Number 10

2009-05-02T08:26:00.005-07:00

So, I figured in the unlikely event that I fall in a vat of radioactive goo and gain superpowers (hopefully not goo based powers, that would be lame) I should start preparing for my eventual superherodom. To that end I will be taking the time out to talk about my top ten greatest fears. I figure, Supervillains have it hard enough already, what with constantly being harassed by weirdos in tights, I might as well throw them a bone and get them moving along the right track. So lets start things off with number:

Freddy Mercury

Let me be clear here, I love the music of Queen. Killer Queen, Bicycle Race, Fat Bottomed Girls, Crazy Little Thing Called Love, even a little I Want to Break Free from time to time. But Freddy Mercury needs to stay the hell away from me. That guy just creeps me out, and I don't know why. I keep having this nightmare where I am a kid and I am convinced there is a monster in my closet, and when I finally work up the courage to go check, there is no monster, just Freddy Mercury, and he is just standing there, smiling at me. I don't know why I find him creepy, maybe it's the mustache.

This is the Worst Job Ever!

2009-04-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

You know what bugs me? People who hate their job, and only make minimum wage.

Why does this bug me? Because, you make seven dollars an hour, if you hate your job so much, spend a weekend and shop around, you got a pulse? Shouldn't be too hard to get a new job. What's that? You don't want another low paying job that is unfullfilling and completely without reward. Too bad. At some point you are going to have to accept we live in a fucked up world where nothing is perfect. Sometimes you just gotta take what comes, focus on the good, and work through the bad. Everybody looks at those lucky few who have gobs of money and scream about how horrible it is that so few people control so much of the wealth. These people control the wealth for a reason, because they or their ancestors had the foresight and the strength of will to sease it, and now you are left out in the cold begging for scraps.

It doesn't have to be this way. If you are truly so downtrodden, if those around you suffer so greatly, there is a way to change things. Rise up and take what is so wrongly withheld. Take control of the world around you.

The problem is we are all afraid. Fear rules our lives, even those who have so little are still afraid of losing. They go home and despite how unhappy they are, despite how far they are from where they wanted to be, they cling to that little piece of civilization alloted to them, and dream of more. My brothers, Don't dream it, be it! So you have nothing; so your life is an eternity from where you want to be; so every hope and dream you have ever had has been ground to dirt; take that dirt and sling it right into the eyes of those who oppress you. So stop complaining, stop wallowing in your filth, you may be in the gutter, but that doesn't mean you can't reach for the stars!

Just thought you should know

2009-03-07T15:09:00.002-07:00

I'm sorry, I don't watch TV.

2009-03-01T22:26:00.000-07:00

Here is the thing, I don't watch TV. I own a TV, but the only thing it is hooked up to is the X-box I don't play. So no, I won't get that pithy reference to Desperate Housewives you just made, and no, the comment I am making has nothing to do with last nights reality TV show crapfest. It isn't that TV is bad, or that TV is bad for you, I am not one of those people who goes about extolling the evils of TV, TV isn't evil, it just is. Unfortunately, I find the vast majority of crap on TV is just that, crap. It isn't that it is unoriginal, nothing is really original anymore, it is just that I don't find most of it terribly entertaining. Sure it works for some, but not for me. That doesn't mean that I have abandoned the half to hour long serial as a medium, what it does mean is that I am no longer a slave to the oppressive vacuum tubes of the tyrannical broadcasting machine. I prefer to take in my shows on my terms, and fortunately the entertainment industry is finally getting on the bandwagon and throwing their creations on the Internet.

Now I can watch the shows I want, and only the shows I want, when I want, and how I want. Its great. For once the world seems to be changing in favor of the consumer, rather than against them.

Minesweeper

2009-01-09T13:08:00.000-07:00

Masochists minesweeper.

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-25T00:01:00.003-07:00

Well, just to get into the Christmas spirit, its the Robot and Lumberjack Christmas Special! Because my humor tends to be a little off track, if you need an explanation of the above image: It is Christmas time and the lumberjack has gotten the robot a box of Rust-Oleum for Christmas, which I would imagine a robot would find rather insulting. And hi jinks ensue!

New Years Resolution

2008-12-21T10:27:00.001-07:00

So, I have decided, that as of today, all of my work related E-mails will consist of nothing but palindromes. Oh sure, my E-mails may start making considerably less sense, and my turnaround time on them will probably suffer, but dammit, I'm mad!

I'm Lazy

2008-12-20T06:50:00.005-07:00

Ok, I admit it, I'm lazy. So instead of actually making an effort I am just going to post some random comic I've drawn again.

Scifi

2008-12-13T12:18:00.000-07:00

The Right to Bear Arms

2008-12-06T19:54:00.002-07:00

Right now, as I type this there is a great push by certain "pro-gun" elements to convince people to go out and buy guns because the new American President is going to ban handguns or assault rifles or some such nonsense. Whenever talk of banning certain types of weapons arises, the conversations that ensue usually leave me shaking my head.

What really gets me though, is that through all these arguments, people always overlook the underlying issue. You see, on the defensive people talk about protecting your home and family, about hunting, about piece of mind; on the offensive people talk about crime statistics, accidental shootings, lack of necessity. Unfortunately both sides are missing the one important issue here: Intent.

You see, I love the constitution, it is a great piece of paper, but it is just that, a piece of paper. It was created by men of vision, but that vision wasn't all encompassing. Each item in the bill of rights was a product of its time, and as such we need to not look at the words as written, but the intent behind the words. So what was the intent behind the right to bear arms? Self defense against another individual? Hunting? Having something to do while drinking? No. The Right to Bear Arms was primarily intended to allow this countrie's citizens to take arms against threats both foriegn and domestic that attempt to, by force or by shenanigans, remove or infringe upon an individual's rights or operate without consent of the majority. There was supposed to be no standing army in the united states, instead each man was to be allowed to be a part of a local militia, arming himself to protect his homeland without need for a large standing military force. Understanding this intent we must then follow through with this chain of thought and accept that it isn't about small concealable weaponry, but milspec firepower.

So, you want to ban handguns? Go for it. Want to ban semi-automatic rifles? Go for it. But I demand my right to own an F16 and an Abrams! How am I supposed to fight off the American military if I can't own a Nimitz Class Carrier? Come to think of it, we are a nuclear superpower, I demand a peacekeeper missile! But no, you try and build one tiny thermonuclear warhead in your basement and suddenly the whole weight of the american investigatory system comes down on top of you. We have long since moved beyond the age where the right to bear arms is taken seriously by anybody other than the supreme court, and I am still keeping my eye on them.

Not tourist friendly

2008-12-01T12:35:00.000-07:00

Why I can't get a job #4

2008-11-18T12:25:00.000-07:00

In this entry of my ongoing series "why I can't get a job" I am going to discuss my most successful work to date. This was actually an unsolicited sales pitch in an attempt to get my name out there, unfortunately ATF and Homeland security databases were not the kind of places I was trying to get my name:

My groundbreaking advertising plans never seem to be fully understood. In this ad I was attempting to sell a product in a previously untouched market.

The product: Guns

The market: Children

There appears to be some sort of legal issues with selling guns to children. Morally though, I seem to be in the clear. At least, that is what big business execs. tell me.

Why I can't get a job #3

2008-11-14T12:19:00.000-07:00

Entry #3 in my explanation of why I can't get a job highlights perfectly what is wrong with the current business world. They all want advertising that speaks to the youth of America, but make no effort to understand that market.

Ok, so the company is a flavoured oatmeal company called Oatmeal Pronto. What they need: An ad that speaks to the youth of America. Holy crap! This was it, if I could sell oatmeal to kids, I was set, I mean, what the hell kind of kid eats oatmeal? Who wouldn't hire me, people would be all like, hey, that's that guy that got all the kids of America eating oatmeal. I had a hard road ahead of me. So, I sat down and considered everything I know about kids:
1: Kids do whatever cartoon characters tell them
2: Kids love drugs
3: Kids are all little bastards
4: Kids hate clingy shit
5: Given the chance kids will kill their parents and institute a pseudo religion following the teachings of he who walks behind the rows.

I gathered all my thoughts, began working and within a half hour had assembled a masterpiece of advertising:

Didn't get the job. Apparently "tastes cling free" doesn't make sense. And implying kids like crack is not PC. My recommendation to change the name from Oatmeal Pronto to Crack-Ho oatmeal (to better reach the kids of course) was considered insulting and degrading. On the upside my artwork was said to be one step above kindergarten level. Go me.

Why I can't get a job #2

2008-11-09T21:50:00.000-07:00

Continuing on in my explanation of why I can't get a job here is part two:

This is a logo I was working on to bid for a job for a flower company. It was meant to be both elegant, and accessible. The font was selected to present an image of casual professionalism, a brush script that isn't meant to look like it was written by hand, but crafted instead. This turned out all well and good, and ultimately I almost got the job. The request came for a door sign, something that would draw people in and make them feel welcome. I was stumped. What would draw people into a flower shop? So I sat down and thought. Who shops at flower shops? Husbands in the dog house that's who. Why do they buy flowers? To get back in good with the wife that's why. What is the one thing all family men want? No family, that's what. And so I assembled my masterpiece, a gimmick that would bring in the customers and a sign that couldn't be misunderstood.

Apparently killing children suddenly isn't PC, and a company promoting such behavior (or selling it for that matter) is not a friendly business (or legal for that matter).

Why I can't get a Job #1

2008-11-02T12:30:00.001-07:00

Here is the thing. I started working on a degree many years ago, I finished my associates but never continued on. I keep saying I am going too, but ultimately I know I never will because finishing a degree won't do you any good if you will never be able to find a job in your field. The problem isn't that I am not talented mind you, the problem is the industry just doesn't recognize my genius. So rather than continue to explain this to people, I decided to show them through a series of contract jobs I had attempted to land, but failed. This is part 1:

I had been sent contact information for a business owner who was attempting to retheme his restaurant in an effort to improve sales. I was quick to jump at the opportunity and after a brief conversation with the owner I had an idea that was surefire hit:

They wanted: A theme for their struggling establishment that would bring them back in the spotlight.

I gave them: A goldmine of a theme that would bring in everybody from the shadiest character to the most upright citizen.

Apparently blasphemy is not a good theme for a restaurant.

New T-shirts

2008-10-25T04:53:00.007-07:00

As a fun side project I design T-shirts. Mainly funny simple stuff, which I sell through Cafe Press. After a few requests, I finally got around to adding the design from this post to a T-shirt, and while I was at it I got around to uploading a few more ideas I had been toying around with. So, if you are interest, here are my most resent Shirt designs and where to get them from:

Too Late
Available on multiple shirt types and bags:

http://www.cafepress.com/Marshalfailure

Pants Off Dance Off

Available on a number of shirts, hats and underwear:

http://www.cafepress.com/Pantsdanceoff

Space Invaders
Same story as before, pick it up at:

http://www.cafepress.com/Howitends

As Always, if you have any ideas, or want one of the images from my blog setup for T-Shirt release, let me know.

Marriage Ain't So Bad

2008-10-18T05:13:00.004-07:00

I’m going to talk about something very important in everybody’s life. Something that some of us have, some of us want, and some of us can’t figure out, that’s right, I’m going to talk about love. For some it’s a four letter word, for others its a three letter word, for me mostly it’s many many four letter words. Of course, I’m going to talk about this from a guy’s perspective, because, in case you haven't caught on yet, I am, in fact, a guy.

Odds are that at some moment in your life you will meet a girl. Not just any girl, a girl you fall head over heals in love with. Something will just click and you will know, she is the one for you and you were destined to be together. Then, a few seconds later you’ll meet her boyfriend. If your smart you’ll move on to the chick next to her, if your stupid, or a loser, you’ll hang around thinking that one day they’ll break up and you’ll be there to fill in the empty spot left by her previous boyfriend. Of course while your hanging around you’ll probably want to keep busy by playing the field a little, but that’s beside the point.

If you are lucky, or underhanded, one day the girl of your dreams and her boyfriend will break up, and if you are lucky enough, or she’s drunk enough, she will turn to you in her time of need, then you’re in like butter.

If you are not lucky, not underhanded, or a loser, this will never happen. Thus you will either spend the rest of your life alone, and a loser, or you will settle for the next best thing, and failing that, the next next best thing, and failing that, the next next next best thing, and so on down the line. If one day you do find that someone you can love, or just really want to procreate with, you may find yourself in a serious relationship. As time wears on and the relationship grows more serious you may begin to think about marriage. Most of these thoughts will be along the lines of, “No way in hell.”

Of course somewhere along the line your mind will change, or you will realize how to real your fear of becoming that forty year old bald guy trying to pick up college chicks in the bar is, and you will finally decide to ask the question. Suicide, or Marriage. Depending on how much you fear death you will either die here, or get married. And it is here were I will give my only advice:
Death is permanent
Marriage is not.

Alas, headlines dash my hopes

2008-10-13T17:20:00.005-07:00

I scan the headlines every day. I search for a unique combination of words, a combination that signifies the arrival of a day I have long awaited. The Robot Apocalypse. So, today when I found this my hopes were risen and then crushed as I read.

Robot Prototype

My interest is peaked

Finds

Its doing something, so good so far

Attacks

Holy Hannah! Awesome!

Kills

Sweet googly moogly, its starting!

Breast cancer cells.

Well, never mind.

Don't get my wrong, it is an incredible advancement in science, and I am happy for all those people it will help, but ultimately I was expecting extreme robot rampage action. Oh well, at least it is killing something. That's a step in the right direction.

Law and Order

2008-10-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

Law and Order is like, the best show ever. Normally, I don't like cop shows, they just can never live up to Hawaii 5-0, but Law and Order, just has that special something about.

That something special,
Is Jack McCoy

If this guy walked into a real court room people who aren't even on trial would start confessing to shit. Hell, it is taking all my willpower to not confess to all those banks I robbed back in 92. I tried going back and watching Law and Order before Jack McCoy came onboard, and honestly I don't know how they kept the show on the air for those first three seasons without him.

Nature blows

2008-09-29T12:52:00.007-07:00

I read an article the other day, dealing with the fact that Bee populations are down in the US and certain other North American areas. According to the article studies seemed to show that wireless electronic signals were interfering with bee's and certain small bird's ability to navigate. Apparently Bees and some Birds can detect electromagnet and magnetic fields and used the earths natural magnetic fields to navigate but our cell phones and electronic devices are interfering with that ability leaving them lost and confused.

Well shit.

Just another way mankind is killing nature. We are melting the polar icecaps, overfishing the seas, destroying natural habitats, mowing down the rain forrest. We do all of this for one thing: Progress. Our technological advancement is coming at the cost of nature. Every new technology that hits the streets comes at the cost of the natural world. Ultimately we are going to have to decide which is more important to us: Technology, or nature?

In an impromptu street survery I was pleased to see that the majority (72.3%) of survey takers chose to side with technology over nature. The results may have been slightly skewed due to the fact that the survey was conducted in front of the East Valley Institute of Technology. Ultimately though I don't care what anybody who sides with nature thinks. Screw nature, we can imitate nature with technology these days, they are even starting to grow fake meat in vats. How cool is that? Fake trees, robot animals, atmospheric processors: technology can do it all. Nature is going down.

The Steak Van

2008-09-28T21:25:00.000-07:00

So, everybody remembers being a kid and rolling out to the joyful sound of that simple tune that signified the coming of the Ice Cream Truck. Sweet delicious and cold, the Ice Cream Truck was a vendor of summertime happiness.

As an adult now I am left wondering why I can't get that same sense of simple satisfaction from a dispenser of delicious treats, why can't a simple song fill me with such joy and anticipation that I want to run screaming to my mother demanding money.

Well, why can't I? Simple, I don't like Ice Cream like I used to. Oh, I still like Ice Cream, but not enough to go running for treats from a mobile conveyor of overpriced frozen products. This is where the Epiphany hits, what has replaced Ice Cream in my adult life? What treat is as appealing to my adult sensibilities as Ice Cream was to my childhood insanity?

Steak.

And that is how I am going to make my fortune. I present to you, the Steak Van:

This hot little number will feature multiple grills and broilers in the back, all constantly cooking steaks of various varieties and flavors. They'll all line up, not the kids of course, adults, they'll all line up wanting a taste of that sweet sweet steaky goodness, because when that tune starts playing, mouths start watering, and they'll all come a runnin for some of that sweet delicious Steak Van Steak. It'll be awesome.

Of course, the big issue is really the music. Everybody knows the Ice Cream Truck song, and the Steak Van will need an equally distinct tune. I was thinking something metal. If I had to equate a musical style with Steak, it would most likely be Metal. Probably get Slash or somebody to write a custom Steak Tune for me......

So yah, keep your ears on for the Steak Van, coming to a neighborhood near you. Not to be confused with the Bar-B-Que bus, which is equally awesome, but hands out Bar-B-Que ribs wrapped in tin foil Via a Rib cannon mounted on the top, people just call the Rib line with their credit card number and a bus is dispatched immediately.

Cartoon Pitch #1

2008-09-13T15:03:00.001-07:00

The premise: An out of work Lumberjack and an obsolete robot are forced to get an apartment together in the city, and wacky hi jinks ensue. Sounds like comic gold right? Well, here is the real kicker: The robot is a Logging Robot that replaced the Lumberjack, and the Lumberjack invented synthetic wood so the robot was no longer needed.

The two incompatible personalities clash as the Lumberjack teaches the robot what it means to truly be alive, and the robot teaches the lumberjack how much more practical cold unfeeling logic is, and each episode they learn another of life's lessons all during their never ending quest to find work and friendship, never realising that their truest friend was right under their nose the whole time.

Seriously, this show practically writes itself. Watch for it, someday soon it will be coming to a television set near you!

Why I shouldn't be allowed near the internet.

2008-09-03T11:42:00.005-07:00

All right, I confess, I am one of those people who shouldn't be allowed near the internet. Why? Simple, when I am, things like this happen:

Your probably saying to yourself, "My god Potter, that is the most awesome thing I have ever seen, how did you ever come up with it." Well, I'll tell you. For years I have been joking about how awesome a Hello Kitty MMO would be, I even went so far as to fake screenshots of such a game, and claim it was using a modified unreal engine (imagine Hello Kitty running around with giant Scifi cannons, it was awesome). Then bam, somebody actually goes and makes a Hello Kitty MMO. Unfortunately this has stolen some of my thunder, and thus I am vexed. Eventually this MMO did come up in conversation, and ultimately I had to take my outrageousness to new heights, so I proclaimed Hello Kitty Online the fabled "WoW Killer". Of course, couple this with my constantly comparing MMOs to a form of Cyber Vamperism, the fact that Keroppi is made by the same people who make Hello Kitty, the only reference I remember from my childhood to Keroppi is the title: Keroppi Day Hopper, and the fact that Blade is a Vampire killer known as the day walker, and well, do I have to spell this out for you? Hmmm.... I guess it is a little to late for that.

At this point though, I am quite enamoured with my Keroppi: The Day Hopper, and with the utterly bizzare announcement that Hello Kitty Online intends to cater to the WoW crowd by including monster hunting, you might just run into a black clad Monster Hunter Frog in Hello Kitty Online.....

Irony

2008-08-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

i ron y

- Adjective

Consisting of, containing, or resembling iron

Sometimes, I frighten myself. Mostly it is just other people though.

2008-08-23T05:56:00.001-07:00

We all have little eccentricities. Mine is that every time I walk into a building I asses its zombie defense potential. I asses access choke points, door security, storage space, supplies on hand, and numerous other features that might prove useful to a long term defensive position in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

I don't know why I do this, but it's probably a by-product of having watched an unhealthy amount of zombie movies (Everything from The Serpent and the Rainbow to Dawn of the Dead remake, and then some.) I can't recall the first time I watched a zombie movie, as all the horror movies I watched before I was eight are just a nightmarish blur. However, the first movie of the zombish persuasion I do recall watching was the original black and white night of the living dead when I was eight, why in gods name my father let me watch it, I will never know, but I do recall that coupling this movie with my sister leaping out of my closet screaming when I tried to go to bed left me awake for the entire night. Which is no small feat. Mind you, it isn't that I am hard to scare, tons of things scare me, but my love of sleep tends to override my sense of fear.

Since then I have simply devoured Zombie moves. I rent them, I see them in theatre, I watch them on TV, I buy the DVDs, I write scripts for zombie movies, I have even made a Zombie movie.

Often when people discuss dreams, I comment about the fact that I regularly dream of Zombies, and my fellow conversation goers generally exclaim that it must be horrible to be plagued by such nightmares, and I just sigh, because they don't understand.....

One step closer to my dreams!

2008-08-14T21:22:00.007-07:00

Every year I hear something new in the news. Walking robots, cyber eyes, fake ears, artificial limbs connected to the brain by blue tooth, and every year I gain a little hope for the future. So, when I saw This Article I nearly had an awesomegasm.

That's right, the robot in the picture is driven not by sophisticated programming, but by a mouse's brain. How cool is that? It is rather primitive right now, basically it just drives around and if it gets near something it sends a signal to the brain. Nonetheless, this is an incredible opportunity to advance the cybernetic arts, and ultimately achieve the goal of putting my brain in a robot body.

My only real concern here is that the scientists seem to be focused on the less interesting aspects of the experiment, like how memories are formed, behaviors learned, and how memories manifest themselves. Now, while covering strictly brain related sectors like Alzheimer's and Parkinson's or how the brain communicates with the complex functions of the body is fine by me, as when I am merely a brain in a robot body a better understanding of such functions will help extend and enrich my life, I do not care how my memories are formed, just how I will use my robot body to drive humanity under my bootheal.

So, I figure by the time I am forty or fifty, and they have gone through a few iterations, done some human test subjects, and generally found out most of those inevitable annoying side effects, I'll be sporting a shiny new robot body.

An Adrian Barbeau Bot, with chainsaw Hands! BZZZZZZZZZZ

On a side note, Sealab 2021, pick up the DVDs (the first season anyways), you will not regret it. Unless, you know, you lack a sense of humor or something.

The internet is not a shit filter, stop trying to use it as one.

2008-08-13T05:16:00.006-07:00

I like to write a few lines of prose here and there. Sometimes I even might let a few friends or family read it. If they are kind enough to offer critisizm, I go back and try to improve.

What I don't do is throw a tantrum, scream at them that I am not a professional, and then demand to know if they think they can do any better. Here is the deal, whether or not I can do better does not somehow lessen the fact that your work is shit. If you don't want criticism, don't put your work out there. If you can't handle people tearing your work to pieces, don't put it on the internet.

The internet is literally flooded with this garbage, and for some reason, people like to argue that it is somehow of a superior quality or that I shouldn't complain because it is free. This is where I have to do a double take, because I can understand someone saying, "Yah, it's not very good, but at least it is free." But saying some contrived nonsense like, "It is of superior quality because it is free." And yes, I have heard this argument made, and it made me want to hurt somebody. It makes it so much worse because it is usually americans who say this sort of thing. Why does that bother me? Simple america pours billions of dollars every year into a a massive library system, many of these libraries contain some of the greatest works of mankind, and you know what else, it is all free.

So go to your public library, read a book, but for god's sake don't write your own and put it on the internet, because for every piece of crap you put on the internet, I am going to put a piece of crap on your porch.

Have you considered giving up?

2008-08-08T21:40:00.001-07:00

Despite all appearances, I am not perfect. I know, hard to believe, unfortunately it is the human condition. So why do people have such a problem admitting they have made a mistake? I can understand trying to cover a mistake up, but I have watched people launch crusades to demonize anyone who might have caught said mistake. What happened to grace? What happened to accepting ones faults and striving to improve?

The worst part of it all is, we live in a world were more often than not people who are best at bullshitting are usually far more successful in life than people who are genuinely competent and hard working. I wish I could say that something has gone horribly wrong but somehow I think it may have always been this way.

Look to closely at history and you will find that all our great heroes of old were truly flawed individuals, often with petty motives driving their greatest achievements, many it turns out accomplished nothing except to prove that a mans legacy is built not on achievement but on a good PR team.

Ultimately if you contemplate this you must finally realize that the question isn't how did humanity go so wrong, but how can humanity be set right? I don't think there is any easy answer, but if I you gave me the opportunity, I would grind humanity beneath my boot heal till all sense of self image and self worth are gone, and with no ego left to wound, there will be no great conflicts, and my glorious dominion will be one of peace and prosperity.

Is all I ask is your complete and unwavering loyalty.

I'm not Hitler, but that doesn't mean I won't send you to the gas chamber.

2008-08-06T10:33:00.000-07:00

Godwin's Law.

Know it,

Love it,

Live it.

The thing about Godwin's Law is it doesn't solely apply to the internet. It sneaks up in every part of our every day life. I once was trying to get a coworker to fill out a required form so that he could continue his employment. When he asked why I explained to him that it was a matter of record keeping requirments for the government, to which he responded rather loudly, "Yah, you know who else kept records? The Nazis!"

Now lets just try and ignore how rediculous that statement is and take a step back and consider the implications. In a roundabout way this person is implying that our behavior is as deplorable as that practiced by the nazi party during their reign over the german empire of World War II. Inevitably I see this argument crop up whenever a person in a position of authority uses said authority to the dislike of another. Now, if the Nazi party had simply been a bunch of annoying thugs who liked to burn books and push people around here and there, I might be able to let things go. I just asked you to behave within a reasonable manner outlined by the rules of my establishment which you are in no way required to take part, at no time have I invaded your country, attempted complete genocide against your people, performed elaborate and inhuman experiments on unwilling human subjects, destroyed homes lives and families in an effort to feed my own insatiable need for some messed up sense of self worth. When I start to do these things then you can compare me to Hitler, but untill then, my telling you to quit pissing on my parade does not necesitate the reformation of the allied powers to stand against my tryanny.

I have to wonder what these peope were doing during the usually sizable chuncks of history class devoted to World War II that they really have no conept of just how bad things were in the axis territories? Did I walk away from every lecture about that part of history having learned the wrong message?

I always thought the saying was "Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it" but apparently it's "Those who fail to abuse history are doomed to live surrounded by annoying asshats."

Just drop it, I'm not the new Hitler, I don't like you, and that means you need to stay the fuck away from me.

Global Warming? Not worried at all.

2008-08-02T17:27:00.004-07:00

Unless you live in a friggin cave, you have probably heard about this global warming thing. Basically in the international scientific community (barring a few dissenters) the current thinking is that mankind through various methodologies is causing the earth to heat up unnaturally.

Now, putting my personal views on the issue aside, I am not worried about it. Why? Well I figure it gets a little hot out there, we just set off a few nukes and cool the place down.....

What? "Oh but that will cause a nuclear winter!" Well, cry me a river.
"It's to hot!" "It's to cold!" Crybabies.

If you don't get it, thats okay; if you do get it, that's not okay

2008-07-31T19:08:00.008-07:00

So, it's not my best work, but I find it mildly amusing. For those who don't get it, you probably have never worked in the airline industry, especially the regional side of things. To add a little detail on this, the individual there is a ground handler working for a regional carrier, and has failed to stop his plain on time, and it has run him over. You are probably saying, that is utterly ridiculous, I can't imagine that ever happening. Well, neither can I, but I once witnessed something damn close.

It was early evening, that moment when the sun has just sunk low enough that the air is starting to cool and the lights are coming on. The day was slowing down and we were waiting on the last plane of the night, a Bombardier CRJ200. The plane rolled down the alleyway and as my coworker began to marshall in the plane he became overly fixated on the nose gear (which happens often) unfortunately he was dangerousy fixated and didn't shift his focus until it was too late, and took the nosecone right to the face.

Fortunately he got off the dangerous ramp and is now flying those very planes that brutalized him!

One of the Phrases I Hate

2008-07-30T09:23:00.004-07:00

There are a lot of phrases out there that people like to casually throw around without much thought as to how staggering their implication is. There are a lot of these phrases that push my buttons, one in particular though, stands above the rest. What is this phrase you might ask?

"Person X Raped (or is raping) my childhood"

This old saw gets bandied about whenever a modern retelling of any classic childhood story is attempted. It doesn't matter if the revisioning is good, bad, or hasn't come out yet, somebody somewhere feels that somebody whose name is attached to the project is "Raping their childhood". First off, let me say this in no uncertain terms, NO, nobody is raping your childhood. Before this new project has been started, and long after this project has completed your childhood will remain exactly the same as it has always been. I mean, come on, have you even been raped before? Have you seen a landscape that has been, figuratively speaking, raped? Lets just assume for a moment that you understand the deep psychological scars and often nightmarish life changing trauma associated with such a morally despicable event; then we have to ask: If you walked away from Transformers with such deep reaching psychological scars should you really be allowed out onto the streets? I mean the world is filled with far more tragic and disturbing events than GI Joe being turned into an international anti-terrorist organization to draw a larger crowd in a steadily globalizing world market. How pretentious and self absorbed are you to insult every person who has ever been raped by trivializing their hardships by comparing it favorably to George Lucas making the force powered by microorganisms in a movie prequel to a series of already questionable quality?

I can really only see one solution to this problem. First step is to somehow build or purchase a time machine, step two is to recruit an elite team of pedophiles to send back in time and rape the childhood of every person who has ever used that horrific saying. Then, when they seek out entertainment on the nights they aren't in their group therapy sessions they won't feel so traumatized by the fact that Hollywood has given their cherished childhood cartoonshow a new and modern look.

This is Stupid

2008-07-26T14:45:00.001-07:00

So..... yah. Why do people blog? I don't really know, out of some desperate search for self validation perhaps? I don't know, but it ulitmately raises the question of why I am blogging. I know it makes me look like an idiot of some variety, but I don't know. I probably won't even update it ever, heck, the fact that I have banged out a pseudoparagraph to kick things off is incredibly impressive.

So, assuming this whole blogging scene holds my interest, perhaps you would like to join me on a wondress journey of bad grammer, worse spelling, and inevitable depravity?

Or not?