Irony

i ron y

- Adjective

Consisting of, containing, or resembling iron

Sometimes, I frighten myself. Mostly it is just other people though.

We all have little eccentricities. Mine is that every time I walk into a building I asses its zombie defense potential. I asses access choke points, door security, storage space, supplies on hand, and numerous other features that might prove useful to a long term defensive position in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

I don't know why I do this, but it's probably a by-product of having watched an unhealthy amount of zombie movies (Everything from The Serpent and the Rainbow to Dawn of the Dead remake, and then some.) I can't recall the first time I watched a zombie movie, as all the horror movies I watched before I was eight are just a nightmarish blur. However, the first movie of the zombish persuasion I do recall watching was the original black and white night of the living dead when I was eight, why in gods name my father let me watch it, I will never know, but I do recall that coupling this movie with my sister leaping out of my closet screaming when I tried to go to bed left me awake for the entire night. Which is no small feat. Mind you, it isn't that I am hard to scare, tons of things scare me, but my love of sleep tends to override my sense of fear.

Since then I have simply devoured Zombie moves. I rent them, I see them in theatre, I watch them on TV, I buy the DVDs, I write scripts for zombie movies, I have even made a Zombie movie.

Often when people discuss dreams, I comment about the fact that I regularly dream of Zombies, and my fellow conversation goers generally exclaim that it must be horrible to be plagued by such nightmares, and I just sigh, because they don't understand.....

One step closer to my dreams!

Every year I hear something new in the news. Walking robots, cyber eyes, fake ears, artificial limbs connected to the brain by blue tooth, and every year I gain a little hope for the future. So, when I saw This Article I nearly had an awesomegasm.

That's right, the robot in the picture is driven not by sophisticated programming, but by a mouse's brain. How cool is that? It is rather primitive right now, basically it just drives around and if it gets near something it sends a signal to the brain. Nonetheless, this is an incredible opportunity to advance the cybernetic arts, and ultimately achieve the goal of putting my brain in a robot body.

My only real concern here is that the scientists seem to be focused on the less interesting aspects of the experiment, like how memories are formed, behaviors learned, and how memories manifest themselves. Now, while covering strictly brain related sectors like Alzheimer's and Parkinson's or how the brain communicates with the complex functions of the body is fine by me, as when I am merely a brain in a robot body a better understanding of such functions will help extend and enrich my life, I do not care how my memories are formed, just how I will use my robot body to drive humanity under my bootheal.

So, I figure by the time I am forty or fifty, and they have gone through a few iterations, done some human test subjects, and generally found out most of those inevitable annoying side effects, I'll be sporting a shiny new robot body.

An Adrian Barbeau Bot, with chainsaw Hands! BZZZZZZZZZZ

On a side note, Sealab 2021, pick up the DVDs (the first season anyways), you will not regret it. Unless, you know, you lack a sense of humor or something.

The internet is not a shit filter, stop trying to use it as one.

I like to write a few lines of prose here and there. Sometimes I even might let a few friends or family read it. If they are kind enough to offer critisizm, I go back and try to improve.

What I don't do is throw a tantrum, scream at them that I am not a professional, and then demand to know if they think they can do any better. Here is the deal, whether or not I can do better does not somehow lessen the fact that your work is shit. If you don't want criticism, don't put your work out there. If you can't handle people tearing your work to pieces, don't put it on the internet.

The internet is literally flooded with this garbage, and for some reason, people like to argue that it is somehow of a superior quality or that I shouldn't complain because it is free. This is where I have to do a double take, because I can understand someone saying, "Yah, it's not very good, but at least it is free." But saying some contrived nonsense like, "It is of superior quality because it is free." And yes, I have heard this argument made, and it made me want to hurt somebody. It makes it so much worse because it is usually americans who say this sort of thing. Why does that bother me? Simple america pours billions of dollars every year into a a massive library system, many of these libraries contain some of the greatest works of mankind, and you know what else, it is all free.

So go to your public library, read a book, but for god's sake don't write your own and put it on the internet, because for every piece of crap you put on the internet, I am going to put a piece of crap on your porch.

Have you considered giving up?

Despite all appearances, I am not perfect. I know, hard to believe, unfortunately it is the human condition. So why do people have such a problem admitting they have made a mistake? I can understand trying to cover a mistake up, but I have watched people launch crusades to demonize anyone who might have caught said mistake. What happened to grace? What happened to accepting ones faults and striving to improve?

The worst part of it all is, we live in a world were more often than not people who are best at bullshitting are usually far more successful in life than people who are genuinely competent and hard working. I wish I could say that something has gone horribly wrong but somehow I think it may have always been this way.


Look to closely at history and you will find that all our great heroes of old were truly flawed individuals, often with petty motives driving their greatest achievements, many it turns out accomplished nothing except to prove that a mans legacy is built not on achievement but on a good PR team.


Ultimately if you contemplate this you must finally realize that the question isn't how did humanity go so wrong, but how can humanity be set right? I don't think there is any easy answer, but if I you gave me the opportunity, I would grind humanity beneath my boot heal till all sense of self image and self worth are gone, and with no ego left to wound, there will be no great conflicts, and my glorious dominion will be one of peace and prosperity.

Is all I ask is your complete and unwavering loyalty.

I'm not Hitler, but that doesn't mean I won't send you to the gas chamber.

Godwin's Law.

Know it,

Love it,

Live it.

The thing about Godwin's Law is it doesn't solely apply to the internet. It sneaks up in every part of our every day life. I once was trying to get a coworker to fill out a required form so that he could continue his employment. When he asked why I explained to him that it was a matter of record keeping requirments for the government, to which he responded rather loudly, "Yah, you know who else kept records? The Nazis!"

Now lets just try and ignore how rediculous that statement is and take a step back and consider the implications. In a roundabout way this person is implying that our behavior is as deplorable as that practiced by the nazi party during their reign over the german empire of World War II. Inevitably I see this argument crop up whenever a person in a position of authority uses said authority to the dislike of another. Now, if the Nazi party had simply been a bunch of annoying thugs who liked to burn books and push people around here and there, I might be able to let things go. I just asked you to behave within a reasonable manner outlined by the rules of my establishment which you are in no way required to take part, at no time have I invaded your country, attempted complete genocide against your people, performed elaborate and inhuman experiments on unwilling human subjects, destroyed homes lives and families in an effort to feed my own insatiable need for some messed up sense of self worth. When I start to do these things then you can compare me to Hitler, but untill then, my telling you to quit pissing on my parade does not necesitate the reformation of the allied powers to stand against my tryanny.

I have to wonder what these peope were doing during the usually sizable chuncks of history class devoted to World War II that they really have no conept of just how bad things were in the axis territories? Did I walk away from every lecture about that part of history having learned the wrong message?

I always thought the saying was "Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it" but apparently it's "Those who fail to abuse history are doomed to live surrounded by annoying asshats."

Just drop it, I'm not the new Hitler, I don't like you, and that means you need to stay the fuck away from me.

Global Warming? Not worried at all.

Unless you live in a friggin cave, you have probably heard about this global warming thing. Basically in the international scientific community (barring a few dissenters) the current thinking is that mankind through various methodologies is causing the earth to heat up unnaturally.

Now, putting my personal views on the issue aside, I am not worried about it. Why? Well I figure it gets a little hot out there, we just set off a few nukes and cool the place down.....

What? "Oh but that will cause a nuclear winter!" Well, cry me a river.
"It's to hot!" "It's to cold!" Crybabies.